


Love is a many splendored thing

by itemfinder



Category: NCIS
Genre: Crack, characters talking about relationships, lazy writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-12
Updated: 2011-08-12
Packaged: 2017-10-22 13:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itemfinder/pseuds/itemfinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The NCIS crew (pre-Ziva, Kate's still around) discusses unlikely romance. (This is not proper prose, and not proper script, and mostly pretty silly.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is a many splendored thing

Kate: [standing with Abby, mid-conversation] "What about Tony and Gibbs?"  
Tony: [arrives to join them] "What _about_ me and Gibbs?"  
Abby: "Hey, Tony. There was some show about unlikely coworker romance Kate was telling me about."  
Tony: "And you somehow came up with Gibbs and me for an unlikely pair?"  
Kate: "Well, it's better than Palmer and McGee."  
Abby: "It _would_ be pretty cute, though."  
Kate: "I don't know, I think it's pretty creepy."  
Abby: "Creepy? Those two?"  
Kate: "Well, yeah. It'd be hard to be in a relationship with somebody if you don't call them by their first name."  
Tony: "Abby calls McGee McGee."  
McGee: [walking into the lab] "Not all the time. ... What?"  
Tony: "I really didn't want to think the thought you just made me think, Probie."  
McGee: "I think I missed something. Oh-- Oh! No, that wasn't what I meant!"  
Abby: "Whatever you say, Timmy."  
Tony: "What about Kate and John?"  
Kate: "From supply? Very funny, Tony, but we're talking about _unlikely_ romances."  
Abby: "And we totally didn't finish talking about Gibbs and Tony!"  
Tony: "Isn't there a point where it gets so unlikely it's off the scale and doesn't qualify?"  
Abby: "Well, yeah, but that's more something like, um, Gibbs and Palmer."  
[stares all around]  
Tony: "I don't know if I'm more relieved or horrified at the moment."  
McGee: "What about you and Gibbs, Abby?"  
Abby: [smirk] "Who says we haven't already tried it?"  
Kate: "You know, it probably says something that we keep coming back to Gibbs."  
Tony: "Ch'yeah, that he's really hard to picture in a relationship."  
Kate: "He's been married three times."  
Tony: "And yet he's still single. [snaps his fingers!] Hey, I've got one! What about... [backing up a few steps] you [gesture to Kate] and Abby?"  
[They look at each other... Abby grins.]  
Kate: [rolls her eyes, but she's almost smiling] "No, Tony."  
Abby: "Tony and McGee?"  
[in unison] "No way."  
Tony: "Now hang on a second. Why're you so quick to say no, Probie?"  
McGee: "You were just as fast, Tony."  
Tony: "Because I was talking about me being with _you_. You're talking about you being with _me_. It should at least take a little thought before you turn that kind of thing down."  
McGee: "Okay, I've thought about it now. It's still a no."  
Tony: "You don't know what you're missing."  
McGee: "I'm not sure I want to."  
Abby: "Alright, what about Tony and Kate?"  
Tony: [under his breath] "Well, at least we're in the right gender."  
Kate: "_Ew_."  
Tony: "Again, I am not that bad. In fact, I have it on good authority that I'm pretty darn good."  
Kate: "According to who, exactly?"  
Tony: "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."  
Kate: "So you shouldn't have any problem naming names."  
Tony: "Very funny. Can we try matching up someone who isn't me for a few minutes?"  
Kate: "Are you sure? We haven't even gotten around to Palmer or--"  
Tony: "No. No autopsy gremlin, no whoever you were about to mention, no."  
Kate: "And how do you know I wasn't about to suggest Paula Cassidy?"  
Tony: "Because you were grinning and she's not exactly a coworker."  
Kate: "But she _was_, wasn't she?"  
Tony: "Oh, yeah? What about you and one of your Secret Service buddies?"  
Kate: "Most of them are married, Tony."  
Abby: [has been thinking while Kate and Tony were bickering, obviously the result of much pondering:] "Gibbs and Ducky."  
Tony: [pulls a face] "No, thank you."  
McGee: "Gibbs and Fornell would almost be more likely."  
Abby: "Wild make-out sessions in the elevator?"  
[.... staring at Abby]  
Tony: "I should have guessed nothing good would come out of this conversation. What about Kate and McGeek? I mean, either of them having a date is already a pretty unlikely scenario, so if you put them together..."  
Kate: "What do you think, Tim?"  
McGee: "I'm not sure, Kate. We could have dinner sometime?"  
Kate: "I'd like that."  
Abby: "Aww, that's sweet."  
Tony: [gagging noises]  
Kate: "Who's left?"  
McGee: "Um... There's Tony and Abby."  
Abby: [lays her head on his shoulder, batting her eyelashes up at him] "Oh, Anthony, be with me always."  
Tony: "Anything for you, Abster."  
Abby: [stands straight again, laughing] "'Abster'? Not your most romantic, Tony."  
Tony: "I get a little tongue-tied when I'm near beautiful women."  
McGee: "Hey, what if it's more... abnormal than unlikely?"  
Kate: "What do you mean?"  
McGee: "Well, if it were anyone else... What about Gibbs and his boat?"  
Abby: "The question is, can we count the boat as a coworker?"  
Kate: "Probably not. Maybe we should let the redheaded woman know about the competition."  
Tony: "You really think he's been seeing her this long and she doesn't know?"  
McGee: "We don't really know if they're seeing each other--"  
Tony: "Because Gibbs has all sorts of lady friends who like driving him around."  
McGee: "I'm not saying it isn't a possibility, just that we don't know."  
Kate: "We saw him kiss her cheek a few weeks ago."  
Abby: "Gibbs kisses me on the cheek."  
Tony: "Well, yeah, but you're Abby. [she gives him a squinty-glare + frown] And I'm sure he likes you just as much as her. [more with the frowning!] Or even more."  
Kate: "Definitely more, Abby."  
Abby: "Ooh, we haven't done McGee and Gibbs yet!"  
Tony: "Like that would happen."  
McGee: "Isn't that kind of the point, Tony?"  
Tony: "Yeah, but there's got to be at least some _glimmer_ of potential, Probie."  
McGee: "I'd have just as much of a chance with Gibbs as you would."  
Tony: "Yes and no. Since I'm the Senior Field Agent and you're just a lowly probie, I'm obviously in a better position--"  
Gibbs: "Position for _what_, DiNozzo?"  
Tony: "Absolutely nothing, boss."  
Abby: "Hey, Gibbs! No Caf-Pow?"  
Gibbs: "You're not doin' anything except distracting my agents, Abs."  
Abby: "Well.. yeah, but at least I'm keeping them out of trouble?"  
Gibbs: "They've got to learn how to do that on their own. Besides, there's more than enough cold cases to keep 'em busy. [pause] _Upstairs_."  
[chorus of 'right, boss' and 'got it's]  
Gibbs: "And DiNozzo?"  
Tony: "Yeah, boss?"  
Gibbs: "You're not my type."


End file.
